Paradox of emotion. I feel so grateful and happy, and at the same time, I feel drained and low. I have sook out myself for many a rotation now. As the world spins more so do I. I come to realize that realizations are relevant to the moment and the space. I build new beliefs just to break them to pieces. I feel like raft with no oar, afloat on the ocean. I am scared of what I can not know. I desperately kick my feet in the water just to feel like I am gaining ground. But I am now tired of kicking. Maybe that was the plan all along. Now I have to go with the wind and current. At this point tears are a waste and anger is killing me. I have to find a way to just float. Let go and observe my movements. What ever it is that guides me, please take my raft and move me.