I am having this urge, this urge to smoke. I Don't want to quit. I know that for sure. I do want to stop abusing it though. This plant is a medicine. One for the consciousnesses. If it wasn't for this medicine I would still be living blindly. Doing my life in zombie mode, hating my life more everyday and trying to cover it up with sex, relationships, and a career. Everything looks good on the outside, surely it good on the inside. No, no its not ok. And don't call me Shirley. ;) I was a wreck on the inside, I didn't know who I was. In fact I never thought to even ask that question. I didn't know what kind of person I wanted to be. All I knew is what I wanted to have. I wanted a big house, a cool job, nice car, family, the usual stuff. But then I got my medicine. My reality dissolved. I dissolved. My family was highly sportive of my changes. I am so lucky for that. I think my friends just thought I was crazy or going through some weird phase. But they loved me none-the-less. But back to the medicine. It MADE me see the world is vast, and I am small. It made me see that my beliefs weren't my beliefs, they we're someone else's. It helped me know, that I can show emotion and that in doing so I am more of a man. It helped me realize I don't want to talk bad about others, that I don't want to do bad to others, I want to build people up not tear them down. What kind of life was I leading? I was leading one of illusions. All illusions that I let into my own paradigm. And this medicine showed me all this. why would I want to stop? I don't, but just like you can water a plant too much and kill it, I had watered myself down. I was beginning to lose myself again. No, not this time. I KNOW who I am now. And I am not that medicine and I do not need a crutch to deal with my life. If I can't relax without an external device, I need to change my life. This medicine should be used in moderation, to give one a better understanding of where they are in life. It should show you how you make others feel. Not abused to the point of snacking and sloth like behavior. My abuse of this drug has led to a paranoia about myself and everyone around me, it led me to being anti-social, it has led me away from my souls desires. Love and Joy.
I ask for prayers and positive thoughts. I am doing this. Much love my cosmic family.